If At First You Don’t Succeed….
So here I am January 30th 2012, last year in March I had committed to complete Bikram’s 60 day challenge & I event made it to day 44!! Then what happened was ….Life got in the way, I didn’t have the time, our budget tightened up & we didn’t have the extra money, & then the holidays hit & we had to prepare for family coming in town, then the holidays were over & we had to get our house back to “normal”(even though our christmas tree is still up) then it was allergy season & I was miserably sick, yes that is what happened. No wait what really happened is I quit.
I am not a quitter I either consciously or unconsciously made a decision to quit a commitment I had made to myself. Funny how we try to rationalize our behavior, we are a society of quitters, & we believe we can pull a fast one over on ourselves by saying life got in the way or I don’t have the time for that right now. I am guilty I was avoiding setting new years resolutions because of the statistic of how many people break their new years resolutions in the first 30 days. I guess in my mind I had a fear, a fear of trying again.
So this morning I called my friend Vanessa since I was remembering a conversation we had a few months ago about her wanting to try out Bikram Yoga. She happily & courageously agreed as I knew she would!! She has recently released 100+ lbs of body fat forever & looks amazing!!! I respect & adore her for accomplishing this great achievement. So now that Vanessa had committed I too was committed to get my happy but back into the torture chamber.
We could not have picked a more perfect class to welcome us back it was a packed out class & there were 7 first timers in our class. I dont even think we made it to our first water break & half the class was taken down by savasana!! Our instructor found it a bit amusing I am sure & he had said ok who wants to quit? Do we have any quitters in the room? Silence. A few minutes later he interrupted a post to explain how important and what a huge part the mirrors serve as a part of Bikram’s practice. He said when I look in the mirror I see a 60 year old skinny man. That’s it that is what I see.
When you look in the mirror you must deal with who you are, and that is a part of the practice dealing with yourself and looking at your self in the mirror. Look at yourself without any judgments if you say stuff like I suck, I cant do this, this is hard for me you will never come back. Wow what a lesson!!
Josh, I don’t think I will ever forget his name, as he taught me a huge lesson tonight and for that I will be forever grateful to him. Josh is a pretty buff guy, like Dave Ulloa buff guy just stepped out of a muscle magazine that has been airbrushed guy!! Shortly after our mirror lesson Josh decided he was done. He folded up his mat and towel and proceeded to leave the room. That was one of three attempts he had made to completely leave and give up on his first Bikram Yoga experience. During Josh’s second attempt our instructor said Josh I am not trying to embarrass you or call you out but can I just tell you a story and if you still want to leave after that you can. Our instructor talked about the skill of mediation and how much of yoga is between your ears. He said just practice being still don’t think about that you cant breath or that it is hot I know how you feel you feel trapped and you are panicking just lay down for the rest of the class and just stay in the room. I will never forget the look on Josh’s face you can see how defeated he had felt, he did not get that body by quitting or giving up at the gym. It was like you can read him change from defeat to I am not going to let Bikram win. On his third attempt to leave everyone started cheering him on not to leave so instead of leaving he moved to the other side of the class and was even one of the last people out after final savasana!! I am so proud of Josh and his courage and leadership. After class in the girls locker room several first timers including Vanessa had said in their mind they had said if Josh leaves then I am getting up and leaving too. Wow amazing how one person can lead and impact the lives of so many other people.
So today January 30th I am recommitting to Bikram’s 30 day challenge. Even though I quit I am back! I am not going to let fear paralyze me. One of my mentors Wayne Nugent had recently done a speech on the 7 paralyzing fears people have. Wayne said what is your fear costing you? He said I must learn how to get out of my own way and learn how to use fear to my favor. The one thing Wayne had said that spoke straight to the core of my soul was Don’t be afraid to try again. If you’re not willing to try again you might as well stick a fork in you and call you done, you’re just taking up space!!
Sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. I had no idea I was going to walk back into that room tonight and feel like I had come home. I had no idea the lessons I would learn from a yoga class. I had no idea how much our instructor believed in us so much more than we believed in ourselves. I respected his fight to keep everyone in the game and to expect nothing else but our very best performance. I looked at myself in the mirror for 90 minutes tonight and decided to take a risk on myself in 2012 and try again.
“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and live.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia